Living Outdoors, Sorry, NO!

It is 6 AM on a Saturday morning and I flipped through the TV stations for some sort of garden show to watch while downing my coffee and planning my day. I am so far behind on stuff, but I am under the mistaken belief that a plan might be helpful.

I stumble across "The Outdoor Room with Jamie Durie." The whole premise of his show is anything we can do indoors we can do outdoors. Granted, he lives in L.A. and he's from Australia (charming accent). These must be mythical places. While watering the plants I sell out at my Dad's dairy farm, I am attacked by green bottle flies. Yes, I can see showering with green bottle flies, Jamie.

While I enjoy sitting outdoors under an umbrella, maybe dining at a restaurant and people watching, sleeping outdoor doesn't suit me. Dusk in central Wisconsin brings the hordes of mosquitoes. Those t-shirts with the mosquito nominations for state bird or requesting flight clearance from O'Hare are spot on.

Two nights ago, we had a night time guest indoors-- a bat. It was enough to totally screw up sleep schedules for my son and me. I don't think I want to roll over and snuggle up with a opossum or raccoon. Or showering outdoors and picking up wood and deer ticks, rather than using shower time as tick check and removal time.

And then, living in a village, there are neighbors. I have a neighbor whose 35-year-old developmentally disabled son lives with her. The yard is a disaster of trash and undone projects, and vehicles. The son begins our spring season with calling out deletive expletives to all. He patrols the lot line, sometimes inappropriately dressed.

My landscaping in my yard screens out the outdoors, adds privacy to my yard. I have only one view I care to borrow, the one from my front porch, now increasing blocked by my teenage son's beater car.

I have increasingly stolen yard space for edibles.

Yes, everyone lives in "my" outdoors. There was so much dog poo built up in my front yard from the winter (did I mention the six-month winter?), I am seriously considering more fence.

I think people built the indoors for a reason. I like the contrast between indoors and outdoors. It's nice that I know where that line is, and that so does everything and everyone else!