Sunday, July 21, 2013

Dear Infidel Western Gardener....Proof of Life

"Let this be your Prook of Life Infidel Western Gardener! We have the fair beauty 'Krasavitsa Moskvy'.  Our tendrils have scaled her fair frame in several places blocking her light!"
 Dear Infidel Western Gardener:

We here in The Garden know you have grown fat and lazy with your recent success and acclaim from your capitalist Master Gardeners Garden Walk.  You think you can sit back and read glowing thank you cards and full page write-ups in beautiful full color in your week(ly) capitalist press.   Now is our time to strike!  We, the Wine Grapes, Othello and poor dumb B who is known by a number only, have organized the other thug garden plants.

"We have also clambered onto cherry 'Lapin'.  He is young, we may yet convert him to the True Path!"

"Here we show you we have 'Honeycrisp', too!  Easy prey for us as our hearts are true and our Evil Plan for World Domination will not be denied!"

"We have lived with you for years, fitting into your landscape design, learning your pruning and weeding ways!"

"You may think you foiled our evil plans when you cut off two 25-foot sections of akebia quinata which had taken the arborvitae twins hostage, but we will not give up!  More of our brothers stand ready to sacrifice their tendrils in the name of our Holy Cause!"

"Meanwhile, our brother-in-arms Gooseneck Loosestrife, A.K.A. Lysimachia clethroides languishes in your gardener's prison, contained between your house and a stone path!"

"Wormwood 'Oriental Limelight' A.K.A. Artemesia vulgaris Janlim also struggles in nearly full shade positioned in front of a mirror!  Who has heard of such crazy gardening ways!"

We demand you release our brethren plants!  There are more plants in The Garden which will join our cause!  The seedlings of catalpa overrun your beds and with the last week's heat grow mighty in their resistance to your ways as do grass turkey foot, quack, and our loyal friend walnut! 

Campanula horribilis launches her own evil plan giving us a two prong attack; and her minions are legion!

Lily of the Valley may yet come over and join with us in Our Cause.  Those fancy daylilies may yet see The Light!

We saw you out there on hands and knees ignoring us in your garden beds and borders, hand-pulling our brother turkey foot and crab where your dumb dog has made your lawn weak and willing to allow our take-over of your institutions.  The time you waste mowing the lawn works for us in our Evil Plan for World Domination.

We demand you free our brethren, lay down your pruners and join us on the True Path!!!

Simply continue your lazy ways.  We will yet triumph!


The Grapevines Othello and poor dumb B known as a number only


  1. Great post! Thank you for giving me a healthy dose of garden laughs!

    1. Glad you get my humor. I hoped it was funny, but with the heat last week, a gardener just never knows when it's funny and when it is heat stroke.

  2. Love your posting! I can just see the plants "brains" thinking this stuff! Jack

    1. Jack, this is a continuing saga! Those guys in The Garden have diabolical, subversive ways. Especially, the double agent Campanula "horribilis' with her pretty Ladybells ways!

  3. That's the way it goes with the botanical terrorists. They are totally relentless, no matter how much you cut them back they never give up. Also, they try to seduce you with pretty flowers even as they are spreading their deadly rhizomes, tubers, etc., laying the groundwork (so to speak) for total domination.